Imagine a black hole in deep space. It is a massive force that consumes everything around it—light, matter, energy—just to sustain its own existence.

In our workplaces, we often encounter people who function like this gravity well. They consume our praise, our energy, and our attention to fill an inner void that can never be filled. We often call them “difficult.” Psychology calls them narcissists. But spiritually, they are souls who have forgotten they are created, trying to play the role of the Creator.

We often think, “If I am just kind enough, they will change.” But kindness without boundaries is not love; it is self-destruction.

Our question for this week challenges our understanding of Christian love:

“Is it a sin to hide your heart from someone?”

The Narcissist: From Reaction to Boundary

“The Trap of Being ‘Nice’”

We are taught that love believes all things and hopes all things. So, when we meet a colleague who is manipulative or selfish, our instinct is to give more. We pour our hearts out, hoping to heal them.

But there is a profound distinction in the life of Jesus. He loved everyone, but He did not trust everyone. The Gospel of John records a chilling but wise verse: “But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people” (John 2:24).

The Divine wisdom is clear: “Love is a command; trust is earned. You can love a person while closing the gate to your soul.”

Why this matters: The Myth of the Savior Complex

The Myth: “I can fix them with my kindness.”

We believe that if we just explain ourselves better, or serve them more, the toxic person will finally “get it.” We act as their emotional saviors.

To a narcissist, your sacrifice is not a gift; it is a right. They view your vulnerability as an invitation to exploit. Psychology offers a counter-intuitive solution called the “Gray Rock Method.”

When you deal with an emotionally toxic person, you must become as uninteresting as a gray rock. You offer no emotional reaction, no drama, and no personal information. By starving them of the “fuel” (reaction) they crave, you protect your own sanity.

How to overcome: The David Strategy

Evidence from Scripture

Consider David and King Saul. Saul was the ultimate narcissist—insecure, envious, and violent. He threw spears at David while David played the harp for him.

What did David do? He dodged. Crucially, David did not throw the spear back.

He did not fight evil with evil, nor did he try to “talk Saul out of it.” He simply removed himself from the trajectory of the spear. He kept his physical and emotional distance. He respected God’s anointed, but he did not let God’s anointed kill him.

Conclusion: The Fortress of Dignity

Dear friends,

We often feel guilty when we set boundaries, as if we are being “unchristian.”

God’s Answer Stop trying to be the source of their validation. You are human; you are not their fuel. Your value is not determined by their inability to see you.

His Promise There is a powerful assurance for those who hide in God:

“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer... my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” (Psalm 18:2)

When you stop reacting to the spear, you hand the battle over to God. You are safe in the fortress. Let them rage outside the walls; their noise cannot define who you are inside.

With grace,

Dr. Thomas Shin Spiritual Guide & Soul Friend

7 Things to Discipline

A 7-Day Challenge: The Art of Detachment

This week, I challenge you to a simple experiment. For the next 7 days, do just one thing each day. You don’t need to do more. One small act of resistance is enough.

Day 1: The Information Diet. Identify one narcissist at work. Make a vow today: Do not share one single piece of personal information (your weekend plans, your family struggles) with them. Keep it professional.

Day 2: The “Gray Rock” Response. When they try to provoke a reaction or boast, give a boring answer. “That’s interesting.” “I see.” “Okay.” Be polite, but be boring.

Day 3: The 3-Second Pause. When they accuse or pressure you, do not answer immediately. Count to three. That pause breaks their rhythm and gives you control over your tongue.

Day 4: Fact-Based Communication. Remove emotional adjectives from your emails to them. Instead of “I feel upset that the report is late,” write, “The report was due at 2 PM. Please send it by 3 PM.” Stick to the facts.

Day 5: The Brief Refusal. Practice saying “No” without a paragraph of excuse. “I cannot do that today.” You do not owe them an explanation for your boundaries.

Day 6: The Physical Exit. If a conversation becomes toxic or abusive, physically leave. “I need to get back to work now.” Your presence is a privilege, not a requirement for their drama.

Day 7: The Fortress Prayer. Read Psalm 18:2. Visualize God as a high stone fortress. Imagine yourself walking into that tower and locking the door. You are safe there.